When I got married at 24, divorce never crossed my mind. I was so much in love and would’ve done absolutely anything to keep my marriage intact. However, my visions and aspirations for this union came to an end when my divorce decree arrived January 2013.
I entered into deep depression after my divorce.
At least that’s where I believed my empty mind dwelled – in total darkness. I felt imprisoned, almost like I was locked away from reality in solitary confinement. Detaching mentally from her was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in life. Often, I found myself very sensitive to anything that associated with her. Even the times when people inquired about her angered me. I would receive the question, “How’s your wife?” and routinely reply “Oh, she is okay.”
However in my mind, I deemed her nothing more than a bitch.
Harsh, I know but how can you overlook an acclaimed actress deserving of many Oscars for her brilliant performance? It was as if after we exchanged vows, she became someone I only recognized by her appearance. For someone to label this bit- , I mean actress, as my wife was an extreme insult.
Speaking openly about the emotions and feelings I experienced was never a real option for me. As a man, I’m prideful and my ego regulates the information presented to others. I did everything possible to avoid being weak, vulnerable or humiliated.
Yet, as I edit this blog post, I’m faced with evaluating my own choices.
Could I have done anything differently to change the outcome between us? My divorce was final over two years ago, yet I still possess certain voids within as a result. Does it end? I’m not sure if it ever will, but it’s okay!
Learning who I am as a man has been monumental for me.
Somehow there is comfort and freedom in this experience. By embracing the person I’ve become, it has essentially created the freedom I was seeking from mental imprisonment.
I enjoy traveling and seeing the world.
I’m a risk taker.
I have a sense of style.
I have interest in other cultures and religions.
I’ve discovered my purpose in life God has bestowed to me.
If you find yourself, only then you will find freedom. – Darion Coleman
To Be Continued…