The Divorced Part 2: My Untold Story

When I got married at 24, divorce never crossed my mind. I was so much in love and would’ve done absolutely anything to keep my marriage intact. However, my visions and aspirations for this union came to an end when my divorce decree arrived January 2013.

I entered into deep depression after my divorce.

At least that’s where I believed my empty mind dwelled – in total darkness. I felt imprisoned, almost like I was locked away from reality in solitary confinement. Detaching mentally from her was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in life. Often, I found myself very sensitive to anything that associated with her. Even the times when people inquired about her angered me. I would receive the question, “How’s your wife?” and routinely reply “Oh, she is okay.”

However in my mind, I deemed her nothing more than a bitch.

Harsh, I know but how can you overlook an acclaimed actress deserving of many Oscars for her brilliant performance? It was as if after we exchanged vows, she became someone I only recognized by her appearance. For someone to label this bit- , I mean actress, as my wife was an extreme insult.

Speaking openly about the emotions and feelings I experienced was never a real option for me. As a man, I’m prideful and my ego regulates the information presented to others. I did everything possible to avoid being weak, vulnerable or humiliated.

Yet, as I edit this blog post, I’m faced with evaluating my own choices.

Could I have done anything differently to change the outcome between us? My divorce was final over two years ago, yet I still possess certain voids within as a result. Does it end? I’m not sure if it ever will, but it’s okay!

Learning who I am as a man has been monumental for me.

Somehow there is comfort and freedom in this experience. By embracing the person I’ve become, it has essentially created the freedom I was seeking from mental imprisonment.

I enjoy traveling and seeing the world.

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Toronto: Caribana 2012

I’m a risk taker.

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SkyDiving 2012

I have a sense of style.

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Concert 2013

I have interest in other cultures and religions.

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Dubai, United Arab Emirates – Grand Mosque

I’ve discovered my purpose in life God has bestowed to me.

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CommonTruce.com Launch Celebration 2015

If you find yourself, only then you will find freedom. – Darion Coleman

To Be Continued…

36 thoughts on “The Divorced Part 2: My Untold Story

    1. Myking

      Wow.. A man dissecting his feelings for us to understand, how rare is that… Normally it’s the other way around.. I want to read more of your things, where can I find them?

  1. wordsfromablackqueen

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m sure as a man, showing your vulnerability was a hard thing to do. I’ve never been divorced, or married for that sake, but I can imagine how it must have felt to lose a part of yourself. Someone that impacted your daily thoughts and motivations was no longer impacting you in a positive way, so it almost seemed obvious to harbor resentment and become depressed because you felt like you failed. It is true though, stepping back and taking time to evaluate and find yourself truly does help (in situations where one feels depressed). And if you don’t have a strong understanding of who you are, you can almost forget about being in a successful relationship, forget about being happy, and forget about being free.

  2. fabandbroke16

    This was a very honest post that I applaud you for. I’ve never been married but I’ve watch my mom get divorced twice (as an 13yo from my dad and then as an adult from my stepfather) and can say that it is a uniquely painful and lesson-filled process. With her (my mother) I saw the disappointment of failed unions but I also saw her transform and take on interests and projects that she might have been afraid to do when with both my father and stepfather. I’ve also learned what to accept and not accept in relationships and when compromise is more important than your pride.

    1. Darion

      Thank you. It’s a difficult process for anyone to go through. Most important thing is to learn and apply to avoid the same continual mistakes. More blogs will be posted shortly.

    2. Bernadette

      This is so true. Great write up, especially for someone like myself who’s experiencing the same battle. I gave myself 100%, only to get blamed for destroying everything in our marriage. Meanwhile, the other party is a notorious cheater and abuser. I’m trying to come to terms that this man has moved on with another woman while being married to me. I think everyone has a purpose and once it has been fulfilled, it’s time to move on. I don’t even know how to come to grips with it. Thank you for being man enough to express your feelings explicitly.

  3. Truth

    I suppose I want to know more about your journey to freedom. I understand not wanting to relive the past, because it is painful. But still, there is some honor in our struggles. You never know, someone may find solace in simply knowing that they aren’t alone and someone else has been there and survived.

  4. Chantal

    That must have taken a lot. Being vulnerable and putting the details of an unsuccessful marriage on the internet. The only failure is one you do not learn from and you seem to have reconciled this new phase of your life which will make you better if you ever decide to remarry.

    Some people take the rest of their life to reconnect with who they are.

  5. NubiaYolan

    Reading your post has helped me have compassion for my ex, whom I’m currently divorcing-by choice. I feel like my ex views me as a bitch too, where at one point he was trying extremely hard to keep our family intact. If only he understood my position, he would not view me as a bitch who broke up the family. Instead, he would be compassionate for me and understand what my heart needed, my soul – which wasn’t him. I, like you, married young-22yrs old and started a family. There were so many mistakes made and growth in separate directions. I became so depressed in marriage I decided to be the one to end it. We must learn to be grateful for the long union we were blessed to have with just one person while others were dating everyone in the world. I think it helped us mature in ways our friends can’t relate to. Better yet, it prepared us for the next chapter in our lives, which we are learning and living through right now. Life is a lesson. I’m learning to embrace it and be free. Free from the society’s expectations, my husbands expectations, my children’s expectations….
    Are you now able to let your ex-wife be free, no matter what that means for her? When you do this then YOU are truly FREE! We all deserve to be free.

    1. Darion

      I hope everything has unfolded the way that you would have liked them to since your post. In addition, that you have found your peace in the mist of it all. To answer your question, I have been able to find my freedom. Happy New Year to you Nubia.

  6. Dawanna Fobbs

    This post has brought tears to my eyes! Not only am I saddened by the hurt you experienced and knowing there was nothing I could do to heal your hurt but I have also felt the exact pain. Although we were not legally married once the relationship was over I too fell into a mental depression. Constantly blamed myself and wondered what did I not do. I traveled the world, brought things but yet that pain was still there. I think its harder for me because I have a constant reminder of him that I take care of every day….. I never thought the pain would ease but with prayer and the grace of God everyday is better…. Darion I’m so proud of you and excited for what’s to come with this blog! This post is a healing for someone. I can not wait for the continuation. Love you!

  7. Courtney Taylor

    Thank you, love, for that invitation to review some of the most intimate parts of you. You’ve allowed us the opportunity to understand more of who you are and want to be… and the results will be amazing. Kudos to you. 💙

  8. Schala Schifino

    Thanks for sharing your story. Often men get portrayed as having no feelings because their not as open about them. It’s awesome that you use the pain you experienced to help others. Kudos!

  9. JaNeese

    This was carefully explained and well worded. I’m happy that you thought to share your experience. I am also glad you have become the man that you are classmate ! Keep living your life for you!

    1. Darion

      Thank you for the feedback JaNeese. I appreciate you taking time out to express your thoughts. Hope you are doing well down there and Happy New Years to you.

  10. Tanecia

    This was AWESOME! As a woman who is also divorced, you wrote words I, myself, have experienced. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find true love very soon.

  11. Shalanda Hicks

    Wow! Nakedness, imperfection, stated perfectly. More people should be this honest. God always has a plan. Proud of you!! Happy New Years! New beginnings

  12. Erica

    My divorce was finalized in April. Days later he married his mistress. I have to say reading your story was very reflective of my own emotional roller coaster I’ve felt. I applaud you for acknowledging your feelings. I find myself a frenzy of emotions. Most days I pray for them and that they will be happy. And other days… Well other days the sound of his name or the sound of his voice takes me back to how I initially felt when he left. I noticed that I too am starting to travel and grow in ways I couldn’t have imagine. I no longer just throw clothes on- I actually style myself. Thank you for serving as an example that it gets so much better.

    1. Darion

      Your welcome Erica. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ll be sharing more similar blogs because I believe this subject matter is not touched on as it should. Happy New Year

  13. Quandralyn

    I too had been in this dark place, i stayed stuck there. By his stripes we are healed. Thank you for being bold enough to say the things others may not be able to.

  14. Kimberly

    Darion, I truly admire you having the strength to share your testimony. I believe that as you continue the journey, and having the opportunity to learn more about yourself, and you will discover its deeper than what has already taken place. When we as people go through storms of life and get our heart broken or spirit by each other, it only will either make you love or hate. I watched a lady who had it going on, marriage destroyed and still today depressed. The lady entire life changed and many now say she is crazy. She is not crazy, she is fighting depression. Depression is an evil spirit and only through prayer faith and action can one be delivered. I see you had all three working. They may operate different but all is the same. But to hear a man speak out makes a great difference. Why? Because men hurt also.

    1. Darion

      Thank you for taking time out to read Kimberly. It’s unfortunate to hear about the lady you spoke about. To be honest, alot of people are currently in that state. One of the main reasons I wrote this blog was to speak out and to let others know that someone else understands. Happy New Year to you. . look forward to your future blog comments.

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