I Just Came Here to Find a Husband: Part 2

As a man, there are certain things on a woman’s behalf that I truly can’t identify with or speak on. One of those things includes a woman’s desire of wanting to become a wife. As I read Ayana’s interview, she assisted in helping me understand the other side of things. She expressed not only her emotions but a “freeing” which her sign provided to her.

I respect her honesty and creativity in confronting her feelings head on. Boldly, she proclaimed her desires, unapologetically leaving a man with virtually no room for misinterpretation.

Ladies do you believe that being upfront about your wants in a man will truly benefit you overall?

Let me put things in perspective.

Women are more educated and independent now more than ever before. You have to remember that relationships aren’t solely dependent on your efforts or what you put into them. No matter how hard you may desire a man, the success of a relationship is contingent on the joint efforts of both parties involved, not just yours. Being so accustomed to personal success can place unrealistic expectations on you and a man that you aren’t even supposed be with.

When did it become okay to lower your expectations and settle for a man you don’t need all because you desperately want a ring and children?

Truth is some men prey on women who divulge too much sensitive information early on. Thirsting and being pressed for a husband could lead you into quick divorce, financial ruins, and mental depression from raising those two children you had to have by age 35.

Before I got married, I selected my girlfriend to become my wife. Like a lot of other men, I felt the responsibility was on me as the man to facilitate the marriage arrangement. Women always talk about how they want a good man, well if he is a good man allow him to present himself to you as a man should.

Allow him the opportunity to actually get to know you – not just the fact that you are dating with a purpose.

Build a foundation with him instead of reminding him that you aren’t trying to waste your time. A big part of the reason I decided to purchase the ring was the fact that I never felt forced to do so. I was never threatened or given an ultimatum to do what she wanted me to do. Even though I’m divorced, I’ll never regret the actual decision I made to marry her because it was a choice I made.

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The fact is there are many Ayanas who are currently wearing this sign right now. It’s on clear display from the moment she wakes up until her eyes close at night. I realized that the sign was created by her heart and not simply produced by a black sharpie and printer paper. She didn’t do it for the thrill or for attention but for her “freeing”. It’s ok to desire a husband but never downgrade your worth for it. There are levels in relationships with the opposite sex along with prerequisites that need to be met prior to finding a husband.

Men would be more receptive if “husband” was replaced with “honest man”, “best friend” or “great supporter”.

Let’s remove the pressure.

5 thoughts on “I Just Came Here to Find a Husband: Part 2

  1. marymartingordon

    I agree. I want my significant other to be my best friend, someone I can have open and honest communication with on a regular basis about anything. Yes, really anything. I have dated some good guys that were just not for me. We never shared that “best friend” connection and it prevented us from truly uniting. We were a couple that always sent our representative. Lesson learned.

  2. Chantal

    I think it goes back to choice. The man has a decision to make in terms of whether or not he entertains her. There is only pressure if he decides that’s what he wants. And even then, he can always leave.

    I also think some men like being in “situationships”. They are find with having women in “up in the air” status and provide no concrete answers for what they want with or from her. This woman’s signage was to let the time wasters know that she ain’t the one. Again, I wouldn’t do it but hey.

    I like the point about making sure the man gets to know you as a person. In all of my interactions, I try to be as transparent as possible. It’s easier when you are honest about who you are and want you want. That way, you give the person enough info to decide if they even will entertain the thought of being your spouse.

    1. ayanaevans

      I agree… a lot of men like “situationships.”

      I’m not sure this image of me painted on here is accurate, but at least it’s starting conversation.

      As for the I Just Came Here to Find My Best Friend sign… Whelp, that would be a lie. Do I want my husband to be my best friend? Yes. Do I JUST want a best friend? No. LOL no need to pretend it’s otherwise. HA! Especially not after wearing this sign a few times in public.

  3. Thrifine

    It has always been clear to me what I wanted in a relationship. I want a partnership, a friend, commitment, someone with similar beliefs and goals, a person who is kind, living, respectful, ambitious, and who puts God first. When I was younger, I was afraid to voice what I wanted in fear of driving my prospect away but when the relationship didn’t work out, I regretted not voicing what I wanted earlier on and regretted the time I wasted. Now, I find that when I do voice what I want up front it will either send the person running or draw them closer. To me it’s a win win. Less time wasted on the wrong person.
    I agree getting to know a person for who they are is paramount but as a woman, we cannot ignore that life us short and we cannot operate the same as men do because we are biologically made different. We are therefore trapped in these dating guidelines of trying not to behave desperate or thirsty but at the same time not compromising the things that we hold dear and important to us.

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