As dinner concludes, I sit back in full disbelief of the woman that “Keisha” presents herself to be. Even though this is our fourth date, I truly feel as though our relationship is heading in the right direction. After finishing off my glass of wine, I get up to assist her in cleaning the kitchen. “What are you doing?” she asks then takes my plate and glass. “Let me take care of this, please.” An infectious blush hits my face as I make my way to the bathroom to wash my hands. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I notice the thoughts of sex enter my mind.
As I’m heading back to the living room, I’m bombarded with the scent of lavender. Keisha is on the couch, draped with a comforter, two full wine glasses, and a lit candle. Respectfully, I cozy up next to her, pick up the remote and start to scroll through Netflix’s movie inventory. Unfortunately, I’m not in the mood for a documentary or drama.
I’m attempting to star in my own film as Keisha plays my co-lead.
Soon after I press play on “Belly”, I find my lips on her before the opening credits. Aroused by her moans, I grab her and lay her across the couch. She grips my body between her legs then strips my shirt off from over me. Following the flow of her body, my tongue begins to somersault in an array of twists and turns around all of her curves.
She whispers, “stop” yet I speed up my assault. She pushes me off her and says, “We have to stop, I’m celibate.”
Wait, you huh?!
Why wasn’t she upfront with this information to begin with? A perfect time could have been during dinner to discuss the matter don’t you think?
To set the record straight, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Keisha being celibate. Men actually have much respect for any woman who has those provisions in place. It’s a commendable act whether motivated by becoming a better person morally, personally, or spiritually. The decision should be supported and respected by the man you are dating and pressure shouldn’t be applied in any sexual way to cause you to stumble off your path.
However, such a situation is hard to be in from a man’s point of view. Those same provisions that you hold dear may not be important to him. It has nothing to do with respect for you or your decision to withhold sex until marriage.
Simply put, you can’t place celibacy on someone who isn’t celibate.
Think about what is it about you that would compel him to join you in celibacy? Just as Keisha, you may be gorgeous and your cooking may be superb too, but Whitney, Michelle and Tamika are all gorgeous, can cook, and would have readily helped to put the condom on.
So what’s the solution for women who truly want to withhold sex until marriage while dating? It’s surely not to be misleading or to misrepresent yourself. You can’t be celibate yet don’t mind if he eats the cake every now and then.
Preserve your credibility and avoid compromising situations with a man if you are a celibate woman.
If a man sees your worth, he will treat you according to how he views you. Creating that foundation occurs in a platonic relationship without force or expectations. Through this process, you will be able to truly find a man that respects your choice of celibacy.