Hall Pass

After years of living in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area, I’ve learned that it’s truly the mecca of single, attractive and progressive-minded women of color. If you take a survey, there is clearly a noticeable difference in the number of single, educated women in comparison to single, educated men. There are plenty of factors that contribute to the imbalance that affects the dating pool. A number of black men are incarcerated, homosexual or simply aren’t desirable to women.  In addition, many men are willing or prefer to date outside their race, and/or they are not ready to settle down.

Males who don’t fall into any of the aforementioned categories are definitely “WINNING.”

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These men are fully aware of the current dating climate. Unfortunately, some of them find opportunities to monopolize on the disproportionate contrast in numbers. While the intentions should be working to build a relationship, they rather devote their time and energy to find ways to gain leverage. Instead of monogamy, many men take advantage of the plethora of single black women.


One reason is due to the huge gap in the ratios, competition between men is virtually non-existent. Knowing that there is an overabundance of women provides men the freedom and wiggle room to be unrealistic in their expectations of women. It allows men to boldly tell all of their desires to women with little judgement or resistance. The mentality is, “If she isn’t willing to give me what I want, she can easily replaced.” It sets impractical expectations and creates an erroneous sense of what love and relationships truly are.

Due to their pride, selfishness and inflated egos, men have molded themselves into false idols.


Yet, they are not worthy of any praise or worship! We have to stop esteeming ourselves and start giving our relationships the respect that they deserve. Fellas, we have to take ownership of the demise of the dating pool, relationships and even our marriages. You cannot expect to take advantage of your lady by playing the field your entire relationship, and then enter into a marriage desiring that same playground. Generally those who get married do it before God. He often times is regarded as the staple that holds a bond intact.

Once you allow other parties to interfere with the union between you and your spouse, it’s over!

It’s easy for a man to request a “hall pass” to cheat during marriage because he was never completely faithful to begin with. Would men be okay with giving her that same pass? She will likely give him the “hall pass” because she has been loyal and faithful to him during the course of their relationship despite his cheating. There should not be any form of a “hall pass” allowed in a marriage. If the man or woman wants the ability to be free for a given period of time, they should reconsider getting married to begin with.

What are your thoughts on a “hall passes?”

4 thoughts on “Hall Pass

  1. B

    I agree with everything you said about the state of the black man’s ego, it make is very hard for us single women out here. While I would never give my man a hall pass, I think marriage is and should be whatever that couple involved define it to be. So if they agree on a hall pass situation, for the right reason, I think it’s fine. So what’s the right reason you ask? The right reason would be because they both agree monogamy isn’t realistic for their situation, for whatever reason. Once again not necessarily my view on love and relationships but some people do feel this way, and who am I to judge. The problem comes in when women grant their husbands hall passes because they have to in order to keep him, or as a method to control his cheating habits. She knows he’s going to cheat so instead of having to worry about it 365 days of the year she picks a select 8 days to allow him to “sow his royal oats”. I find this sad because more than likely it means that this women doesn’t value herself enough to think that she can find a man that would love and respect her enough to not break their vows by cheating on her. 🙁 Good read…

  2. NicoleM

    Hall passes shouldn’t exist if you’re in a committed relationship. If a man or woman wants to be with multiple people they should remain single until they’re ready to commit! The problem with dating today is the fear of commitment. It’s almost as if men/women feel that there may always be a “better” option out there. I would never give my man a hall pass!

  3. Equarm

    This is something that I have constantly articulated to my male counterparts and they wouldn’t deny or confirm as if its not a Blatant Truth. As if saying nothing at all would make it less poignant

    I don’t believe in hall passes in a committed relationship whether it is marriage or just your man/woman. IF we are claiming each other than our time should be spent on developing our intamacy. I think it’s virtually impossible to do so when there are other parties involved on that level.

    HOWEVER with that being said I also believe we sometimes give tacit “hall passes” when we remain with someone who is cheating on us and we dont address it. When we remain in this unhealthy dynamic where we become passive and internalize our pain where it sometimes turn into self hatred… (he/she is cheating because i’m not good enough”), we just hate the person and attempt to make thier lives a living hell instead of making a decision to just leave or if it is feasible to attempt to address the need to be with someone outside of the relationship with the person , or/and we attempt to go after the “other person” who DID NOT MAKE the commitment to you.

    I’ve also noticed that what it also can create is this competitive spiteful spirit amongst woman which is truly disheartening…

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