You finally did it! You found someone who has made it past the obligatory first date. Past the butterflies in the stomach. The sweaty palms. You have had the conversation about family and aspirations. Hopes and dreams. Do you want to be married? Children? Now you have graduated to a few lingering, longing looks and clandestine pecks on the lips upon greeting. However, you still feel a concrete barrier which randomly presents itself during certain topics and dialogues. It’s as though they become defensive, easily irritated, then completely shut down which leaves you totally confused as to what just happened. You know there is an underlying factor which causes the disconnect. So what exactly do you do? How do you make the transition from new burgeoning prospect to the comforter and person in which they confide?
I get this question a lot. I find it so interesting that there are so many people who have no clue where to go from here. Unfortunately, too many people mistake this stage as the platform to jump into the physical aspects of a relationship, only to discover later, often in the most excruciating circumstance, that sex doesn’t provide the feedback and answers for which you may be searching. So what then, Darion? What do I do?
You must understand that this is a very special time in your relationship because you are more likely to be shown your lover’s most authentic self if you create the right environment for them. But how do you lay down the platform for the overflow of connection which will bring your relationship to the next level? How do you get your lover to open up to and reveal the truth of themselves to you?
From my experience, there are 5 things that will create the perfect atmosphere for building the true foundation of love, which resides in the essence of communication and understanding of one another.
There is nothing worse than feeling pressured to do something that you are not ready to do. Being patient allows the space for a person to speak when they are ready to do so. To choose to let you in. The greatest relationships stem from being able to take the time to grow emotionally and spiritually together. These days, so many people jump into situations, then wake up one day and realize that they have been sleeping next to a stranger. Your lover should feel comfortable enough to choose to share their innermost thoughts and desires. Once adequate time has been spent, they will begin to lean on you to hold onto their insecurities, flaws, and shortcomings.
Would you open up to someone you do not trust? I doubt it! Confiding in someone about personal needs and wants takes time. Trust stems from confidence and time. It is the most powerful tool when creating a foundation in your relationship. Being able to truly and sincerely rely on another person is a deeply coveted experience. A couple begins to develop trust within each other once they have reached a mutual level of respect. This is the same place that commitment begins to take root. But commitment can only take place once you have proven that you are an open, ready and willing ear, without judgement.
When your significant other is ready to speak, don’t be emotionally MIA. Your emotional presence could set the tone for a stronger connection. Your lover should feel as if you are always there for them, and they are always able to confide in you. Being approachable and open-hearted showcases you in a favorable light. You wouldn’t want to confide in someone who you feel judges you, or made you feel as if you were a child; would you? I wouldn’t. I bet you wouldn’t either. At this time of vulnerability, the only thing that they need to hear is care and concern.
Even though your actions may clearly show it, it’s imperative that you be vocal. Humans are social creatures. We need to hear positivity in order for us to feel secure. Providing affirmation could help break up any hesitation that may be present. Do you really care? Are you really concerned? Let them know! We need each other in order to keep going. We want to feel like our significant other desires to know more. If you are trying to get closer to your lover, s/he will need to feel that you are invested in them. Are you really listening? Really, pay attention.
When the opportunity presents itself, just listen. We all need someone to whom we can vent. That special person who simply understands you at your most vulnerable moments. Listen deeply and intensely. Don’t you hate when you are trying to speak to a person who continues to interrupt you? Or that person just listening to just respond? There is no worse sentiment than feeling as if your lover is not really paying attention. Don’t you want someone to be there for you when you are feeling weak as well as strong?
You are now in the prime position to start creating the special mix that makes your new relationship magic. Before you put these 5 actions in motion, be sure you are able to handle what comes along with it. Your intentions should stem from genuine concern and not a thirst to obtain information. There is no turning back when you unlock this aspect of your relationship, so be smart when you are handling someone else’s problems or potential insecurities. I promise that if you follow these steps, your relationship will transition into the next beautiful stages with ease. It all begins with taking the time to understand one another, thus creating a poignantly strong, and long lasting bond built from laying the right foundation.